Finding Balance Within
Dear Moms,
I know. Your heart hurts. You’re so done. And it seems like it’s everyone else’s fault, right?
- If your partner would just be a partner and do their share…
- If your kids would just listen and do what you ask the first time you ask….
- If your mother would stop critiquing your parenting….
- If your manager would stop taking credit for your work…
I’m sure you can add many more of your own experiences to that list. And I get it. But me—as in me, Caren, the meditation teacher—getting it isn’t going to help you feel better long term. Because here’s the thing. If your heart hurts, if you’re upset at your partner, your kids, your mom, your manager, etc… it’s not about whatever you think it’s about.
It’s just not.
It’s about—as we say in meditation land—something that’s “out of balance” in your own soul.
It’s about recognizing that your path to happiness, contentment, calm, and being able to sleep at night, starts with discovering what that imbalance is. Then—before doing anything else like divorcing the bastard, guilting your kids, cutting off contact with your mom, or quitting your job—rebalance what is out of balance.
Because here are the hard truths:
- No one has the power to make you angry unless you have anger inside you.
- No one has the power to hurt your feelings unless you have hurt feelings inside you.
- It’s your job to show up for you—no one else’s.
- It’s your job to love you—no one else’s.
- It’s your job to fulfill your needs—no one else’s.
How do you do this? It’s not an overnight process. It’s a path that starts with the question:
What is this really about?
If it’s not about your partner, if it’s not about the kids never listening, if it’s not about your mom’s constant critiquing, if it’s not about your manager’s ruthless behavior….. What is this really about?
You can do this on your own. Begin by finding a quiet moment. Sit comfortably. Close your eyes. Take a few deep slow breaths. Then ask yourself gently and tenderly: What is this really about?
You might be surprised at what comes up.
Check out our meditation: Emotions are Messengers, if you’d like an example of how the process works.